Death Cafes

I have recently participated in training to host Death Cafes.  They are incredible events that bring people together and share ideas, experiences and feelings around dying and death.  When I talk about hosting Death Cafes people often cringe at the title.  “It’s a bit in your face isn’t it?”  I have thought about renaming them to soften the invitation.  I want people to attend after all!  Then I thought about the purpose and value of these meetings and have reconciled to leave it alone.

Jon Underwood, a funeral advisor, and his mother, Sue Barsky Reid, a psychotherapist, hosted what is considered to be the first Death Cafe in 2011 in East London, and developed a model that others are free to duplicate. “Talking About Death Won’t Kill You!” is a common slogan.

They were inspired by the work of Swiss sociologist and ethnologist Bernard Crettaz, who, after the death of his wife, developed a project in 1999 called Café Mortel, where people could gather to talk about death, because Crettaz felt that death was a taboo and a “fundamental enigma” that frightens people. 

Talking about death and removing the taboo adds great value to our life.  If the title is a bit harsh maybe that is a measurement of how much we need to talk about death – to demystify it and embrace the inevitability that we will all die so that we can live our lives with greater joy and less fear.