Grief is Love's Conjoined Twin

What an amazing metaphor!

Recently I was able to listen to Dr. Alan Wolfelt speak at an online forum on grief.  Dr. Wolfelt is a leading death educator and grief counselor, and his work contains some of the most intelligent and compassionate views on death, grief and mourning I have heard.  His presentation resonated deeply with my ethos as an end-of-life doula and death educator.

Among the messages of the day was breaking down what it means to companion grief. So often people want their grief to be ‘cured’. We get scared at the concept of going backward, focusing on the past and on the death of a loved one.  It is essential to create space for grief and mourning.  When you are given a respite from external demands where you can disengage for a while from the outside world, you can nurture your soul and help shape your new normal. Grief needs a companion to bear witness, be present and be willing to learn from the person who has had a loss.

How many of us have heard well-meaning but misguided people say things like “leave the past in the past” or “we can’t bring them back so we need to move on” “they wouldn’t want you to linger in this sadness”?  We need to be able to go backwards, however. Sometimes we need an invitation to share stories, history, love, relationship, and memories of those who have died.

Wolfelt identifies the beautiful relationship between love and grief.  We love from the outside-in.  The actions, words, touch, and time we give to others reaches into their spirit and soul, creating feelings of being loved. Grief is a set of internal feelings, thoughts and ideas that work themselves out of our body into actions, stories, pain, tears, and laughter. This process is called mourning.  We need to be allowed to feel the feelings and remember the past – to share the stories – to turn our grief into authentic mourning; and it all needs to happen in a way that works for each unique person.

There are no timelines for this, and it is essential for your entire being – your spirit, soul and mind to thrive after a loss.

Again, the beautiful words of Dr. Wolfelt, “if we mourn well, we go on to live well and love well, and we reignite the divine spark”.

It is my honour to offer my clients this experience through Grief Walks.  These can be walks, sharing a hot drink or just a quiet space to process your grief, mourn authentically, and create the opportunity to move forward.  To live well and to love well.

I also encourage you to explore Dr. Wolfelt’s work at www.centerforloss.com